


From, Natsuki.

by ThatCatLover



Series: Natsuki's Life [2]
Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/F, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Other, Past Child Abuse, Why do I put Natsuki through this?, letter format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 10:06:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14330136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatCatLover/pseuds/ThatCatLover
Summary: Natsuki writes a letter to her dad in prison.





	From, Natsuki.

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning mentioned for child abuse.
> 
> Headcanon used here that Natsuki's mother died in childbirth

Um, Hi,

 

It’s me.

 

How have you been? Is the weather nice where you are? God, I sound ridiculous. The girls said I didn’t have to do this, to force myself to be nice to you, to push myself too hard, yadda yadda yadda, stuff like that, but for some reason, I really needed to do this. Sayori says that I need closure or something like that, she can be pretty smart sometimes for such a dingus.

 

Yuri said to me that I should write this but maybe not send this. She said it was okay to get worked up and angry once in a while so that you could get everything out and then calm down. I think that’s kinda funny ‘cuz Yuri’s never anything but calm, even when we’re arguing, so it’s hard to picture her getting really pissed. I think that’s one of the things I like best about her. She said I should write down all the things that I resent about you, which, by the way, means hate or dislike. I had to google search that, Yuri has a lot of complicated words. So here goes:

 

-You always were hurting me

-You said I was childish for liking manga

-You blame me for things that weren’t my fault

-You called my friends dumb

-You said I was worthless and gross

-You’d get angry at me out of nowhere, I didn’t understand it

-When I tried to ask you what was wrong, you’d just get madder

 

I could say a lot more, but I feel better now, maybe I’ll write down more later.

 

Do you miss me? Do you ever feel bad for what you did? Do you regret it? Do you think I deserved it? What would you think and feel after hitting me? Why would you hit me?

 

Do you think that maybe, if she hadn’t died, that Mama would help you? Or would she be angry at you? I’m still sorry by the way, the others keep saying that it wasn’t my fault, that dying in childbirth is no one’s fault, but I always screw things up, so it must have been my fault. It should have been me who died. You wouldn’t miss me, that’s for sure. No one would. My friends tell me that they would miss me, especially Yuri, but how can you miss something that you never had?

 

I’m not sure if I miss you but Monika says that’s normal. I hate you but that night that the police came, I’ve never been more scared. The lights were too bright, everything was really loud, the neighbors started coming outside, it was terrifying. I still wake up screaming sometimes, Monika hugs me until I fall back asleep.

 

People in school act like I’m not human anymore. The come near me as if I’m an animal that gonna tear their faces off. It makes me mad. Everything about this makes me mad, and scared and sad and somehow a little bit happy because you’re not hurting me anymore and I’m not sure if that makes me a bad person. It feels like I’m a bad person but a little person inside my brain is just _so happy_ that it’s finally over. What’s wrong with me?

 

Anyways, it was good writing to you, I guess. Please don’t write back because I really don’t ever want to hear from you again, Papa.

 

I gotta go now.

  
~~Love,~~   From, Natsuki.


End file.
